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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 5, 2016 19:16:01 GMT
My facebook entry for April 1, 2016Hi, I have decided to keep a blog which hopefully will turn into a book some day. Right now I am just downloading data. It is out of control. I am pulling over to the side of the road to write notes to myself. I am watching television and ideas are popping up in my head. I am also thinking about scanning the journal that I have kept since 1982, the year I got sober. I hope at least one person finds something they need. If you like this kind of thing, here is the link. Namaste. From my son Karl regarding this blog . . .Let it out. The good, the bad, and the ugly, release it all to the universe, so that others may benefit from your sojourn. My reply . . .Thank you for this Karl. I have kept so many secrets from you out of shame. But John Bradshaw's book, Family Secrets, helped me see how dangerous this can be because of projection. I worry that in sharing my soul people will think I am narcissistic, but that is the risk I will have to take. As my favorite phrase puts it, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." I know people use this a lot, but it is timeless. [For those who don't know me, I am a 67 year old "wounded healer." ] This term is from Carl Jung. I was taught to cite every one I learn from so you know my writing is authentic. . . a lost art. From Karl . . . "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 1nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:15 Susan Peabody April 5, 2016From my website for love addiction issues . . .
I do a lot of work to help people who cannot afford my standard fee, so I am always thrilled to have donations from anyone who has been blessed with spare change. I use donations for all kinds of things. To offer free counseling to love addicts and other people in trouble. To keep the website going for the organization I co-founded: Love Addicts Anonymous. To visit and send literature to women in prison. To keep all of my non-profits going. To offer sliding scale To publishTo help the world . . . This link will take you to my donation money . . . www.brightertomorrow.net/donations.htmChecks . . . Susan Peabody 13728 San Pablo Avenue #1010 San Pablo, CA 94806 susanpeabody@gmail.com
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 5, 2016 19:25:51 GMT
I downloaded for three days. I tried to preserve the data, move the data, just mess with it in general. I learned something very important about writers. We can't save everything that comes out of our brains. Sometimes we just have to start over. I know God cares about preserving data or he would not have tucked away the dead sea scrolls, but sometimes you just say goodbye, stop projecting how important it was and just start downloading again. If it was important it will come back to you. Trust that all the data you lost is still in you the creator.
I decided to separate my blog from the message board even though this means I have no audience yet. But God will take care of that.
I tried to change to Comcast business because I actually have my own business. There are so many perks. Right now I am under “residential.” Three weeks, hundreds of emails, and at least ten phone calls later the technician said “we can’t do it.” I pressed him and asked, “Have you done it for anyone else?” He said, “I have tried but they all gave up because it was impossible.” My first reaction was to ask: “Why didn’t you tell me this when I first called?” He was silent. But I let him off the hook, because during the process of all this I learned so much about my television and internet. [I am really learning to think before I speak. I have always had what Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, calls an “emotional hijacking.” I think God has his hand on my shoulder.
I ask your indulgence if you come upon redundancy in this material. I have always prided myself on saying something well so it only has to be said once. When authors repeat themselves I catch myself judging them which is just projection of course. I have also chosen to put my journal on the internet because I love imagining who “out there” might be reading it, and allowing people to give me fatback along the way. I trust people to be constructive although sometimes individuals come along who like to bring you down the earth. I also love the memes and illustrations, even though I know they can disappear. I always try to make my point in text and in. the meme.
As time goes by, all this will grow into something. God has not yet revealed to me if it is worth publishing. My second book, The Art of Changing, did not sell well even though I thought it was a more general topic and thus would find a wider audience. So you really can’t out guess God in these matters.
If I have not already said it elsewhere, I am using a writing method taught to me by Anne Lamott. As a child, she was trying to write a term paper about birds. She was experiencing writers block and asked her father for help. He put his hand on her should and said, “Sweetheart, just do it bird by bird.”
My first book started as a journal. I hope to transcribe it when I have the money. When God wants something done he usually sends me a donation from some kind soul.
So all these excerpts will be woven together to create some kind of mystical robe of many colors. Or, if you prefer, pieces of a puzzle being transformed into a picture.
So be patient with me, and if all this annoys you come back later when there is more continuity.
Forthcoming . . . the story of the self-help movement in America. I researched this subject in a class I taught years ago. I love to teach but due to my fear of people I lecture rather than facilitate a workshop with hands-on lessons. People really project on to me when I teach. You either love me or hate me.
I had a job once at a treatment center, and they had me on a pedestal for awhile. Then they started projecting on to me because I got upset and starting crying in front of the patients. That was the beginning of the end. I thought my “inner child” was safe [child ego state; Erik Berne] because it was a treatment center, but projection is really more powerful that we understand at this point. I think I talked about this earlier.
Writers want an audience if they are brave enough to acknowledge it. We also worry about our humilty. I leave this up to God at this point in my life. What sums up my career is the expression from the movie Field of Dreams . . . “Build it and They Will Come.”
Let me start with a teaser. It is kind of like a trailer for journals. In 1983 I had a spiritual awakening. It was so pleasant and transforming that I thought it could never get any better. I even wrote about it in two of my books. But during the Easter season of 2016 I had another transforming experience. As my son put it, another layer of the onion was pulled away.
Since this happened, out of the mist, I have been writing on scraps of paper wherever I go. At certain points I am going to transcribe them here in bits and pieces. Eventually, I will weave them all together into a book entitled, "The Perfect Story."
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 5, 2016 21:29:20 GMT
We have evolved from writing to preserving data, so this is going to be time consuming. I have chosen to put the data in two formats: word processing and html codes on my message board. This will make it easier when God tells me what he wants me to do with it.
Writing not only helped me get through the death of my daughter, it is a good time to diet. When I write I have no appetite so I can eat three low-calorie meals without hunger pangs. I lost 150 lbs teaching myself how to create my website. I wonder if I can market this. I need money for all the things I want to do before I die. Traveling later. For now, paying the rent.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 5, 2016 21:46:03 GMT
Who inspires my writing . . . my son and my inner child.
My inner child Susie [concept from Eric Berne, in The Games People Play.] She, and my son Karl, are both my muse. She is both creative and wounded. Someday I will tell my story. My son has given me permission. In AA they have "high bottom" and "low bottom" according to how far your addiction progressed When it came to my love addiction things got pretty bad and I had to process all that over the years. It is progress not perfection. In 1995 I was diagnosed with PTSD. By the way . . . I chose this image because for some mysterious reason is looks just like a photograph of me. When I learn how to scan I will find a real photo. Photos of me as a child make me cry so I like images better. You can see the pain in my eyes even then.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 5, 2016 22:30:18 GMT
People often ask me to write my autobiography, and so I think about it a lot. However, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I would need a co-author. I can tell my story, like I have done many times in Alcoholics Anonymous, but writing it is different. You have to read it over and over again. You write words and they evolve into sentences and paragraphs. Then you massage it all until it takes form and you have a living, breathing something. This would be too painful for me. So I am waiting for someone to ask. Until then you will have to settle for dribs and drabs of data. When you write a blog you never know who out there is reading it, so as I do with everything I will turn it over to the “care” of God. (I bless AA for teaching me this and helping me learn to to do it.) P.S. I date my recovery in Overeaters Anonymous and then Alcoholics Anonymous to November 7, 1982. I chose this date because it was on a Wednesday, and all I remember was that I spent the Wednesday before Thanksgiving in a room with others recovering from addiction. I was so serene. [See my book, The Art of Changing for some of my recovery story. Also, I am Kathy in my book Addiction to Love. I was my own case study because I had no clients back then, just students. I love talking about recovery. I still remember being mesmerized with the stories I heard in AA. Everyone had come so far. It gave me hope. And saying it out loud takes away the shame. April 5, 2016 Susan Peabody
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 7, 2016 19:22:53 GMT
Writers try desperately to preserve what they write. It is an obsession that goes back a long way. I know my son was devastated when his computer broke and he lost an entire book.
But nothing is lost. Everything is universal wisdom and will come out of the brains, heart, and soul of other writers.
I always wanted to write. I am grateful that this is the gift God gave me. I feel so honored.
Years ago, a book came out entitled, "The Secret." The title was misleading because the wisdom within was not a secret. It had been revealed centuries ago to other wise men. But each generation must have their own interpretation. So almost everything I write is really redundant. But as my son pointed out, all that counts is how it makes me feel. It makes me feel wonderful.
Susan Peabody April 7, 2016
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 11, 2016 19:36:58 GMT
I am writing this covered in bed bugs. The exterminator is coming tomorrow. I have a new understanding of the words "multiplying" and "investation."
I mentioned that I was downloading data. I made my mistake every word down on paper because I love to pretend it is important. It is not for me to judge.
Anyway I made myself sick so I had to find a new method. Now when I have a thought in the middle of watching tv I put it on hold and write a brief note to myself. Then when I have time I develop the idea. Since the information is already in my head, I believe I am pre-programmed, it is not going anywhere.
This is working like a charm.
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