Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 11, 2016 19:48:47 GMT
LSD is an example of projection. This is a drug first introduced in the sixties that makes you hallucinate. Google a history of it if you want more information. When you are LSD you hallucinate. Unlike normal projection you believe what you see. This is also true of skizophrenia. So what is real. Does the LSD take you to another dimension where what you see it real. Or is it not real but just an hallucinate. We don't know because we have not figured out what is real and what is not.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 11, 2016 22:28:31 GMT
Some men look at your body. Some men look at parts of your body. Some men look at what you wear. Some men look at your hair. It differs from man to man.
I knew one man that only looked at what you wore. This really worked for me. We made love in my clothes and he really got excited. It hurt my feelings of course. We all want to be loved naked if we are willing to admit it. But this was better than nothing.
I also knew a guy once who only looked Lingerie. Tattoos . . . anything
I have used clothes all my life to try to control projection. It is not a disguise which I once thought. It was just a way to attract a man and as a young women this is all I cared about. I have a long list of things I have done to get attention, including "loving too much" which launched my career. I made lemonade out of lemons as they say.
You can make a career out of anything if you focus and get organized and then, of course, turn it over to God. Alcoholics Anonymous taught me how to make something good out of something bad. I will write about this later.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 11, 2016 23:13:46 GMT
At heart I am an introverted "nester." I like to stay home and I like to decorate the home I live in. This is my comfort zone where I feel safe and all warm inside.
How your home should look is all in the eye of the beholder. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. I learned this one day when I caught myself looking at a small hole in the wall where a nail had been previously. I did not like it. I had no money to paint so I did what I have done since I first had my own bedroom, I proceeded to make it look good to me. This can be strange sometimes. When I was battered by my ex-husand he would sometimes put a hole in the wall. I could not afford to fix it so I covered it up with a piece of what they used to call "contact paper" (wall paper) in the shape of a daisy. It worked for me. Years later a guy was breaking up with me while I was making the best of a counter that had been burned by putting "contact paper" on it. He looked at me and said he wanted to break up. I asked him why and he said simply, "I am not a contact kind of person." Well good for you I thought. Not really, I was devastated at the time and cried for weeks.
Back to the nail hole. I found a beautiful ear ring and put in the hole. When it fell out I put in some crazy glue. I just love looking at it. I do not know why. My partner was judgmental. He said, "What if you want to wear that someday? That is a silly substitute for painting." He went on and on. I didn't care. I like my ruby earring on the wall which is next to the red flash light I have hanging there.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 13, 2016 21:48:10 GMT
One of my dreams has always been to work at a treatment center for addicts. I finally found a job in Northern California because of projection. The woman who would end up hiring me had read my book in her early days of recovery and now held me in high esteem. She was, of course, projecting.
I was thrilled when I got the job, but unfortunately I am socially awkward and way to honest about what I feel. I am what they used to call an "open book." You could see everything I was feeling on my face.
Within a few months of getting the job, I was getting criticized by my boss for being so emotional in front of the clients. Naturally, I started and cry and I could see the horror on her face. I thought that I was in a safe place because they offer workshops on loving your "inner child," but, as it turned out I was not, and it was down hill after that. Eventually, I got fired not because the work I did was not good, but because I was so insecure and this appeared to them to be unprofessional.
Intellectually I knew what was going on. I had read about this in Goleman's book about "emotional intelligence." He noted that often intelligent people are emotionally immature.
At some point, I was let go and it took awhile to process all of this and get past my emotions. I hate rejection, because I have an original wound jut like everyone else. This is why I had chosen this field to work in.
Eventually, I did come to realize that I need to develop some decorum. We call this boundaries. We all want to be loved unconditionally for who we are, but projection getss in the way.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 13, 2016 21:55:28 GMT
While being unsophisticated cost me one job, projection also got me another.
I like to browse the internet offering my services as a lecturer or workshop leader. Every now and then someone responds and I get a gig. One day, I contacted a treatment center in San Jose and they hired me sight unseen to be their featured speaker. Later I asked them why they hired me, and they said that they had been to another one of my workshops years ago and really liked my enthusiasm.
I went with the flow, but at some point I had to admit to myself that I was not the one that they at met at that other location. I just could not remember that gig and suspected that they had confused me with someone else.
I later told everybody this and they were so kind. The owner said, "Well if it was not you we just have a synchronistic experience on our hands." Amen I thought.
If you want to know why God wanted me at that particular workshop, it was because the audience was full of licensed professionals, mostly therapists. I had been praying to God for an opportunity to help bridge the gap between the self-help community and the world of the licensed psychotherapist. They had been estranged and competitive for a long time.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:45:51 GMT
My son sometimes asks for money for food and gas. I have a deep-seated resentment which lurks beneath my codependency. Today he asked me for some money and I got angry because in my mind he had asked yesterday. When I looked at my calendar I realized he had not asked for money for a week. This is projection.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:47:55 GMT
Projection and Bigotry
Prejudice [projection] gets in the way of clarity. It is the down side of living in the now as Tolle recommends. I have recently been dealing with a hidden resentment of immigrant workers. The language barrier irritates me. I get frightened that I am no longer in the majority. I just met a Hispanic woman whose mother was white and she said she wrote a thesis on the angst being felt by long time activists and progressives who worked so hard to get the Civil Rights Bill passed.
So today I was watching television and I thought this through to the end---on a clear day you can see forever. I asked myself do I really want to do the work they do for so little. No.
I can't stand on a chair anymore and recently I put out an ad for a house cleaner. Everyone who answered wanted $50/hour. Then one Hispanic woman said she would do it for $20. As I live on a fixed income I was so grateful. It is not that the others did not deserve the money. Of course they did. But I just could not afford it.
I pray that my gratitude pushes aside all my prejudices. I never want to "pre-judge" anyone.
I am growing. I am living and learning. I am self-actualizing. This is all God asks of me except of course to reach out to others offering them to join me on my path. It is an honor that my path is getting so crowded thanks to the internet. My grandmother traveled the world and I have always wanted to be an international woman. This is why I started writing. I wanted to reachout to anyone who could read. This is why I want an audio book before I die. If it be God's will.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:49:20 GMT
Frank and Projection
There is a book entitled, You Just Don't Understand, by Deborah Tannen. The title sums up what is wrong between couples these days. They are too busy projecting rather than trying to understand each other.
My partner is a drummer. His talent is the stuff legends are made of. His mentor was Etta James. He started playing at the age of nine. He would have been on that show "Little Big Shots" if it had been around. But he is also quiet. I often fantasize about scanning his brain for information. All this means is that he is fertile ground for projection.
As time goes by things are getting clarified. For instance yesterday was payday. Frank took a shower and got all dressed up. I asked him, "Honey why are you getting all dressed up to go to the bank." He did not say anything. I am not sure he understood himself. But suddenly I had some clarity. Frank grew up with two loving parents who both worked. Pay day was the day everyone got a hearty meal and money to go to the movies. So now in his cellular memory this is still the most exciting day of the month and he honors that day by getting all dressed up.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:50:29 GMT
Women in jail . . .
I was watching a television show about inmates in jail. One of the inmates got in a fight and was afraid she was going to get beaten up. She went to her friend for comfort. Meanwhile the friend misunderstood and thought she wanted to gossip. Two distinct interpretations of why the first inmate wanted to talk. So the first person was devastated and felt abandoned. The second inmate thought she was being a good person by avoiding some gossip.
If we could read each other mind these things would not happen. Without transparency we are always making mistakes.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:51:25 GMT
Bed bugs . . .
Nobody likes bed bugs. But what do you do between the time you call the exterminator and the time he shows up. You make friends with the bed bugs. You use your imagination and projection to see cute little lady bugs who are there to keep you company when ou are lonely. You have already provided them with a home, nowt get to know them a little better. This may sound ridiculous, but it works.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:52:12 GMT
I am still watching this new show about inmates and one of them gets in a fight. He goes to solitary. Psychologically, solitary is torture to most people. Even introverts have a need for companionship. In one case however, the inmate in solitary decided to make the most of his situation and imagine that his cell was a retreat center. He prayed and meditated and did the zen thing. He was happy as a clam. [Old metaphor that defies explanation. Are clams happy?]
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:53:27 GMT
When I was in jail . . .
Back to the reality show about inmates. Six people go undercover to see what jail is like. They start out projecting just horrible things and they are all terrified. A month later they start to bond with the inmates and they are all smiles. One woman who disliked other women learned they could be a lot of fun.
So Jesus was not kidding when he said, "Love your enemy." If you project the right thing on to anyone from annoying people to terrorists there would be no war.
I had a similar experience. In 1968 I was in jail for being a runaway, and I was terrified of the other inmates. But they were actually nice to me and one girl lay on the bunk and held me. They gave me their blankets to hang around my bunk to block out the light. They were hardened criminals but they showed me their humanity. I also learned that when you are living in fear even a woman's body brings you comfort. I am not gay, but I got so much serenity from being held by this stranger. Sandra [another story] also taught me about love being without gender.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:56:56 GMT
Torchbearers . . .
People often ask me why some people love for a life time each person they ever loved. I realize now that Torchbearers are people who keep projecting after the relationship is over. No contact does not work for them. They keep seeing the person they bonded with even as they move on. Most people eventually stop projecting and are happy to be with themselves until they fall in love again. Torchbearers just can't turn of the projector. They sometimes play several movies at the same time. The movie [love] overlaps. There is no leaving the theater and coming back later for the next movie. When it comes to love and projection they just live more complicated lives.
Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 14, 2016 14:58:31 GMT
Nancy and projection . . .
People are always evolving and changing, but if you are projecting the past on them you never know it. My sister lives with me and has dementia, so for years I had to give her money a little at a time so she would not spend it all at once or buy extravagant things. At some point, she stopped doing that, but because I kept projecting I had no faith in her.
It eludes me how to see the new person from the old one. But I think it has a lot to do with transparency. The more I try to see my sister clearly, and the more she reveals to me about herself, the more I am able to see the real person she is now.