Post by Susan Peabody on May 10, 2016 17:14:58 GMT
For the last two years I have been taking my partner Frank to the nursing home to visit his brother Sol. I saw myself as a driver and that is all I wanted to contribute. I am, at heart, an avoidant. I have been called anti-social. My life story explains how I got this way. It will sound strange for those of you who know me as a love addict.
Last week the nursing home called Frank and me in for a meeting. This is where we found out that the doctor was suggesting we put Sol in hospice. We were shocked, but Frank made the decision to except the doctor's advice and Sol's wish to die. So we signed all the papers and went home to re-group.
Since bringing Sol up from Long Beach, Frank had been asking me to come in and visit him in his room, but I kept refusing. I did not want to get emotionally involved. But today, under the circumstances, I decided to go in and see him. I was shocked by how hard it was. I have had a lot of experience with death, but not dying. My daughter died in her sleep, and my friend Sandra committed suicide. I thought I was ready for hospice because my mother went that way, but she was in a coma when we took her home. So this, it turns out, is going to be a new experience for me. God has put me on a new path and I feel overwhelmed.
Back to the story . . . the moment I walked in the room Sol grabbed my hand and said, "My baby is here. My sweetheart has come to see me." He also said, as he held my hand, how dainty it was. Suddenly it hit me that Sol was in love with me. (I asked Frank later why he did not tell me his brother was in love with me. He said he was as surprised as me. But this is exactly what had happened. After years and years of being unloved I now had two men in love with me.)
While trying to absorb this new information, I tried to talk to Sol, but he could not hear me so it was obvious my gift for gab was not going to be what he needed from me right now. It was at this point that I realized I was about to embark on a new adventure. I was going to learn how, after years of trying to live in the "now," and to stop talking, I was being given a chance by God to learn how.
The timing for all this is perfect of course. I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now, and this was going to help me immensely. I too am a self-help writer and understand how important it is to break down a complicated experience into some simple steps. So now I had the opportunity to lean and a self-help book to help me. And that is not all. God also sent me a role-model (I talk about this in my book, The Art of Changing." Frank has twenty years working with the dying. His best friend would only allow him to be with him. He even shut out his wife. Then there was both his mother and father. Frank, as it turns out, is the perfect teacher at a time when I have so much to learn.
So here I am at the beginning of a new journey. God is giving me a chance to grow and be the best person I can be by teaching me something new. It will help me be a well rounded person and since I am a teacher I can pass on what I have learned.
Isn't God wonderful . . .
I will be back . . .
April 8, 2016
Last week the nursing home called Frank and me in for a meeting. This is where we found out that the doctor was suggesting we put Sol in hospice. We were shocked, but Frank made the decision to except the doctor's advice and Sol's wish to die. So we signed all the papers and went home to re-group.
Since bringing Sol up from Long Beach, Frank had been asking me to come in and visit him in his room, but I kept refusing. I did not want to get emotionally involved. But today, under the circumstances, I decided to go in and see him. I was shocked by how hard it was. I have had a lot of experience with death, but not dying. My daughter died in her sleep, and my friend Sandra committed suicide. I thought I was ready for hospice because my mother went that way, but she was in a coma when we took her home. So this, it turns out, is going to be a new experience for me. God has put me on a new path and I feel overwhelmed.
Back to the story . . . the moment I walked in the room Sol grabbed my hand and said, "My baby is here. My sweetheart has come to see me." He also said, as he held my hand, how dainty it was. Suddenly it hit me that Sol was in love with me. (I asked Frank later why he did not tell me his brother was in love with me. He said he was as surprised as me. But this is exactly what had happened. After years and years of being unloved I now had two men in love with me.)
While trying to absorb this new information, I tried to talk to Sol, but he could not hear me so it was obvious my gift for gab was not going to be what he needed from me right now. It was at this point that I realized I was about to embark on a new adventure. I was going to learn how, after years of trying to live in the "now," and to stop talking, I was being given a chance by God to learn how.
The timing for all this is perfect of course. I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now, and this was going to help me immensely. I too am a self-help writer and understand how important it is to break down a complicated experience into some simple steps. So now I had the opportunity to lean and a self-help book to help me. And that is not all. God also sent me a role-model (I talk about this in my book, The Art of Changing." Frank has twenty years working with the dying. His best friend would only allow him to be with him. He even shut out his wife. Then there was both his mother and father. Frank, as it turns out, is the perfect teacher at a time when I have so much to learn.
So here I am at the beginning of a new journey. God is giving me a chance to grow and be the best person I can be by teaching me something new. It will help me be a well rounded person and since I am a teacher I can pass on what I have learned.
Isn't God wonderful . . .
I will be back . . .
April 8, 2016