Do Opposites Attract? May 5, 2016 16:20:03 GMT
Post by Susan Peabody on May 5, 2016 16:20:03 GMT
May 4, 2016 22:55:26 GMT @retro said:I just read something interesting. We attract what we are. Not what we want.
People have been arguing about this forever. Growing up I was told that opposites attract. In recovery I was told that like attracts like. I got so confused that I turned it all over to God and let him decide. Then I met Sandra and my current partner Frank (Sandra committed suicide).
In general our brain seeks balance. Harville Hendrix, in Getting the Love You Want, discusses this. So we gravitate toward those who have what we don't. Then between us we feel are whole. (It is popular now to try and become whole as an individual, and this is important for single people, but couples are allowed to be whole as a unit. This is one of the perks.) At the same time, when someone is just like us we get along and have that ease that we want in the relationship.
With Sandra, we were so much alike that it astounded us. We met in AA and we both had identical "stories." We also had the same bad habits. It felt wonderful to find someone who was a mirror image of me in that regard. In other ways, however, we were just the opposite. I am a compulsive talker and she is a good listener. She was laid back and I was hyper. We were just a super compatible couple and this is why I fell in love with here although I am not gay. (I was told I am gender-fluid or androgynous.)
This same combination of things that are alike and things that are the opposite work for my current partner and me. It just works.
We can try analyze relationships, for sure. And we can research everything. We can rely on E-Harmony. It is a great tool for the modern age. Or we can find our partner through trial and error the old fashioned way. I recommend a combination of both.
For those who like to learn about relationship I recommend Judith Sills, A Fine Romance," and our forum entitled "Successful Relationships in Recovery."