Borderlines May 3, 2016 14:44:23 GMT
Post by Susan Peabody on May 3, 2016 14:44:23 GMT
My son Karl might disagree, but I believe we both suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. There are many books and messages boards about BPD.
Because we are both Borderlines we trigger each other's rage. Our fights could really get serious.
A few months ago, I ran out of steam and I decided to do something about this. I prayed. I did some research, and I looked within. Eventually I found a solution that works for me.
It all goes back to communication and what the author of "I Hate You Don't Leave Me," calls SET communication.
S = Sympathy
E = Empathy
T = Truth
To begin learning how this works, I ended all the arguments for awhile by people pleasing. I discovered that if I validated my son and did not criticize him we did not argue. He has abandonment issues and criticism triggers his deepest wounds. In other words he has what Goleman describes in, "Emotional Intelligence," an "emotional hijacking."
I know a lot about people pleasing. It was all I did before I discovered I was codependent. I took unconditional love to a whole new level.
After I established that I could avoid arguing altogether, I ventured out again to set some limits. Of course that triggered Karl, but it needed to be done. Once I told Karl the "truth" I went back to sympathy and empathy to get him calm again.
This all works like a charm.
I am learning more and more about how to set boundaries with Karl and calming him down at the same time. This is my goal. It is the "middle ground" as they say.
May 1, 2014