Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 24, 2016 19:11:55 GMT
This is also posted in the "projection" category . . .
I love to teach so sometimes I browse the internet for treatment centers and ask if they would like me to come to their facility and lead a workshop.
In March of 2016 I got a call from a treatment center in Northern California and a woman named Heather said she wanted me to come down and give a presentation. I would be their featured speaker. We discussed what I would talk about and settled on the relationship between relapse from drug addiction and underlying psychological issues."
A week later Heather interviewed me on a conference call with her supervisor Larry. They both said they had seen me give a presentation years ago in Los Gatos and loved my enthusiasm. They hired me and we began the process of logistics.
While I the phone, I mentioned to Heather and Larry that I would like to turn my trip into a mini-vacation and they agreed. They offered to pay for one night in a fancy hotel. I was excited because I love hotels and room service and all that.
After the interview I wrote up my presentation. I always write up my presentations as a "hand out" so the audience does not have to take notes and can read it later. They can also share it with their friends and more people can benefit. This is how my writing career began. When I co-founded a support group for women love addicts I wrote up my thoughts about relevant topics like shame and low self-esteem. These handouts became notes for the class I taught for 15 years and then evolved into my books.
I created a handout for this particular presentation and sent it to Heather. She called and said it was excellent. Great!
I then began preparing for the trip. . . I bought a bag to carry the books I hoped to sell. I pulled out my suitcases. I made 25 copies of the handout to take down. I studied it so I could be articulate. Mostly I fantasized about kicking back at the hotel and meeting new people in the field. I secretly hoped it might turn into a job.
Everything went smoothly until I found out that I would be addressing professional psychologists (the people with all those degrees). I, on the other hand, am a member in good standing of the self-help community. I call myself a wounded healer. I am educated but I could not afford to pay tuition so I audited classes and read hundreds of books. So I know my stuff but my only credential is a A.B from UC Berkeley and a teaching credential for the state of California going back to 1978.
I expressed my concerns to Heather and Larry that I was not the right person to talk to this audience because I did not have credentials and my topic was one that they already knew about (that long term recovery often involves going back psychiatric care). Heather and Larry both told me they were sure I would do fine.
These were my thoughts . . . If I were going to talk about love addiction that would be fine. I often teach psychologists about what is a self-help concept. They would call it an attachment disorder. But this topic was like Psychology 101 to them. So I had my doubts about being the right person to give the presentation, and everyone kept telling me I was just being insecure. OK
I also discussed with Heather the possibility that I was not the person they remembered. I could not recall doing a presentation in Los Gatos. She talked to Larry and he called and said it did not matter. They wanted me and if I were not that other person this was still meant to be. OK
I continued to be concerned and the night before the trip I could not sleep. So I sent an email to Heather and Larry about changing the topic to something my audience would know nothing about. I think I suggested talking about bridging the gap between the self-community and the clinical community.
The next day I got of early and got ready. I had planned to leave early and have a nice leisurely drive down to my hotel. Suddenly the phone rang. It was Larry. He said the presentation had been canceled. I naturally asked why and he said, "we are going in another direction." I asked him to clarify whether the presentation had been canceled because of me or because the building had burned down. He said my emails from the night before had disturbed him and they had found another speaker. They turned the presentation over to a credentialed person who would speak about their interest in clinical subjects like cognitive behavioral therapy for drug addicts. He said they were not looking for a self-help speaker who wanted to talk about bridging the gap between the two communities. It sounded like he was in shock. LOL
It took awhile to figure all this out, but I realize now that Heather and Larry had been projecting on to me. The remembered this enthusiastic person they had met. They began projecting non-stop. Nothing I said or did could alter that projection until they got my email which acted as a wake up call.
I went with the flow and suggested we keep in touch. I thought they might find a place for me in another setting like teaching love addiction to their clients. Love addiction and relapse from drugs and alcohol go hand in hand.
Most of all I stayed calm. I called one friend and asked for her advice which I followed. But all of that does not matter. I have attended AA meetings for 30 years and we talk about acceptance and going with the flow a lot. I had also taken the 3rd step in AA which was about surrendering everything to Go. So this was a test and I passed. I stayed calm. I accepted the situation. I went with the flow and I unpacked my bags. I did have a few hours of doubting myself during the night, but the next morning I was fine. A process that used to take months and years had now happened rather quickly. I was thrilled because this is what my book, "The Art of Changing" is all about. Change is a process and the goal is to do naturally what used to be a struggle.
April 24, 2016
Susan Peabody
So here we are. Projections are powerful. They are long lasting. It takes a lot to break the spell.
Namaste
The Canceled Presentation
I love to teach so sometimes I browse the internet for treatment centers and ask if they would like me to come to their facility and lead a workshop.
In March of 2016 I got a call from a treatment center in Northern California and a woman named Heather said she wanted me to come down and give a presentation. I would be their featured speaker. We discussed what I would talk about and settled on the relationship between relapse from drug addiction and underlying psychological issues."
A week later Heather interviewed me on a conference call with her supervisor Larry. They both said they had seen me give a presentation years ago in Los Gatos and loved my enthusiasm. They hired me and we began the process of logistics.
While I the phone, I mentioned to Heather and Larry that I would like to turn my trip into a mini-vacation and they agreed. They offered to pay for one night in a fancy hotel. I was excited because I love hotels and room service and all that.
After the interview I wrote up my presentation. I always write up my presentations as a "hand out" so the audience does not have to take notes and can read it later. They can also share it with their friends and more people can benefit. This is how my writing career began. When I co-founded a support group for women love addicts I wrote up my thoughts about relevant topics like shame and low self-esteem. These handouts became notes for the class I taught for 15 years and then evolved into my books.
I created a handout for this particular presentation and sent it to Heather. She called and said it was excellent. Great!
I then began preparing for the trip. . . I bought a bag to carry the books I hoped to sell. I pulled out my suitcases. I made 25 copies of the handout to take down. I studied it so I could be articulate. Mostly I fantasized about kicking back at the hotel and meeting new people in the field. I secretly hoped it might turn into a job.
Everything went smoothly until I found out that I would be addressing professional psychologists (the people with all those degrees). I, on the other hand, am a member in good standing of the self-help community. I call myself a wounded healer. I am educated but I could not afford to pay tuition so I audited classes and read hundreds of books. So I know my stuff but my only credential is a A.B from UC Berkeley and a teaching credential for the state of California going back to 1978.
I expressed my concerns to Heather and Larry that I was not the right person to talk to this audience because I did not have credentials and my topic was one that they already knew about (that long term recovery often involves going back psychiatric care). Heather and Larry both told me they were sure I would do fine.
These were my thoughts . . . If I were going to talk about love addiction that would be fine. I often teach psychologists about what is a self-help concept. They would call it an attachment disorder. But this topic was like Psychology 101 to them. So I had my doubts about being the right person to give the presentation, and everyone kept telling me I was just being insecure. OK
I also discussed with Heather the possibility that I was not the person they remembered. I could not recall doing a presentation in Los Gatos. She talked to Larry and he called and said it did not matter. They wanted me and if I were not that other person this was still meant to be. OK
I continued to be concerned and the night before the trip I could not sleep. So I sent an email to Heather and Larry about changing the topic to something my audience would know nothing about. I think I suggested talking about bridging the gap between the self-community and the clinical community.
The next day I got of early and got ready. I had planned to leave early and have a nice leisurely drive down to my hotel. Suddenly the phone rang. It was Larry. He said the presentation had been canceled. I naturally asked why and he said, "we are going in another direction." I asked him to clarify whether the presentation had been canceled because of me or because the building had burned down. He said my emails from the night before had disturbed him and they had found another speaker. They turned the presentation over to a credentialed person who would speak about their interest in clinical subjects like cognitive behavioral therapy for drug addicts. He said they were not looking for a self-help speaker who wanted to talk about bridging the gap between the two communities. It sounded like he was in shock. LOL
It took awhile to figure all this out, but I realize now that Heather and Larry had been projecting on to me. The remembered this enthusiastic person they had met. They began projecting non-stop. Nothing I said or did could alter that projection until they got my email which acted as a wake up call.
I went with the flow and suggested we keep in touch. I thought they might find a place for me in another setting like teaching love addiction to their clients. Love addiction and relapse from drugs and alcohol go hand in hand.
Most of all I stayed calm. I called one friend and asked for her advice which I followed. But all of that does not matter. I have attended AA meetings for 30 years and we talk about acceptance and going with the flow a lot. I had also taken the 3rd step in AA which was about surrendering everything to Go. So this was a test and I passed. I stayed calm. I accepted the situation. I went with the flow and I unpacked my bags. I did have a few hours of doubting myself during the night, but the next morning I was fine. A process that used to take months and years had now happened rather quickly. I was thrilled because this is what my book, "The Art of Changing" is all about. Change is a process and the goal is to do naturally what used to be a struggle.
April 24, 2016
Susan Peabody
So here we are. Projections are powerful. They are long lasting. It takes a lot to break the spell.
Namaste