Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 14, 2016 17:24:46 GMT
I have carrying around a lot of guilt for being codependent with my son Karl, although he believes I am doing what I should to be a good mother. I also recently found out that my partner developed a drug problem after his foot surgery. I had to ask myself, do I leave Frank? Do I turn my back on my son?
I called my friend Lori while crying about this and she confided that she was in the same situation as me with her son but not her partner. Lori is the new and upcoming star in the field of love addiction. I was her mentor when she read my book during her own recovery and now she is mine.
After talking to Lori I went to sleep. In the morning I sent her this email.
When Karl was in kindergarten they wanted to expel him if I did not take him to therapy. The therapist observed us and said, "Mrs. Peabody you have given away all your power to your son." I asked him how I could change that. He said you can't. You need to find him a strong father figure. I spent 20 years looking for this man. All I found was alcoholics and drug addicts who wanted to use me. When Karl was big enough he started fighting with these men and to save Karl I gave up looking for a partner for 16 years. Then I found Sandra and Frank. Karl loves Frank and Frank loves him. God has made my dream come true. So hang in there with your son and Tom. Stand by your son. We gave birth to them. God put them in our care for better or worse. They say a mother's love is akin to God's love because it is unconditional. While we can't let the guilt deter us from standing up for ourselves, we still have to live with the cards we have been dealt. They are our sons. They are our gift from God born in the chaos of our lives for a reason yet to be revealed. I only pray that since Karl is addicted to me that God help him survive my death.
As for Frank, my son helped me put that to rest. When I confided in him about Frank he sent the following email.
Thanks for calling me back. I confided in my son Karl and he sent me the following advice:
Mom: I think you should stop picking at Frank to stop self medicating. Don't celebrate it or support it directly but don't run behind watching over his shoulder either. When he is hungry feed him.
I called my friend Lori while crying about this and she confided that she was in the same situation as me with her son but not her partner. Lori is the new and upcoming star in the field of love addiction. I was her mentor when she read my book during her own recovery and now she is mine.
After talking to Lori I went to sleep. In the morning I sent her this email.
When Karl was in kindergarten they wanted to expel him if I did not take him to therapy. The therapist observed us and said, "Mrs. Peabody you have given away all your power to your son." I asked him how I could change that. He said you can't. You need to find him a strong father figure. I spent 20 years looking for this man. All I found was alcoholics and drug addicts who wanted to use me. When Karl was big enough he started fighting with these men and to save Karl I gave up looking for a partner for 16 years. Then I found Sandra and Frank. Karl loves Frank and Frank loves him. God has made my dream come true. So hang in there with your son and Tom. Stand by your son. We gave birth to them. God put them in our care for better or worse. They say a mother's love is akin to God's love because it is unconditional. While we can't let the guilt deter us from standing up for ourselves, we still have to live with the cards we have been dealt. They are our sons. They are our gift from God born in the chaos of our lives for a reason yet to be revealed. I only pray that since Karl is addicted to me that God help him survive my death.
As for Frank, my son helped me put that to rest. When I confided in him about Frank he sent the following email.
Thanks for calling me back. I confided in my son Karl and he sent me the following advice:
Mom: I think you should stop picking at Frank to stop self medicating. Don't celebrate it or support it directly but don't run behind watching over his shoulder either. When he is hungry feed him.
I also decided to stop charging money for my services. I cannot take money from people when I am not in recovery myself. Because of my dependency on the money I have been getting from clients I am accepting donations.
For now I am at peace. I pray that those I help will do better than I. Those who can do. Those who can't teach.
Susan Peabody
June 14, 2016
For now I am at peace. I pray that those I help will do better than I. Those who can do. Those who can't teach.
Susan Peabody
June 14, 2016